Lay Em Down

It has been one year since I was left.

11 years married - done
12 years together - done
All the ground we covered together - lost

As I turn around and look at the road traveled with you, hindsight is clear.
I may not have wanted this. I may have fought with everything I had to keep us together.
And yet, it is clear, I am better now.
I'm more myself than I've been in a decade. My mind and my focus is clearer.

"I lift my eyes up unto the mountains, where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth."

My eyes are focused ever on God.
My priorities are focused ever on my boys.
My heart is surrounded ever by my friends and family.

"I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
Oh, and I will not fear"

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I felt the Earth opened up under me and I was falling, falling through.

I had people surround me with love.
I had people surround me with tangible help.
I surrounded myself with truths.
I surrounded myself with Jesus.

"This is how I fight my battles

It may look like I'm surrounded but I'm surrounded by You."

I don't have all the answers still.
Some days are harder than others.
But I keep reaching out. I will not let the Earth swallow me up.
I will not let the darkness win.
I will stand up.
I will lift up my head and look to You, Jesus.
I know You will never leave me.
I will lay my past down.

"Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely
Broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down
All you sinners 
And the weak at heart
All the helpless
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
Whatever evil you've found
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down
We're all tied to the same old failings
Finding shelter in things we know
We're all dirty like corrupted small towns
We'll bring our troubles
Bring our troubles
And lay 'em down
All you rich men
And the high above
All of those with
And without love
All you burdened
And broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down
Come lay 'em down
Come lay 'em down
Come lay 'em down"