"We didn't even have a real dinner!"

So here’s my scoop:

I’m recently divorced (well, 6 months in now – but still feels like a recent SHANK to the gut). I thought single parenting wouldn’t be that different because, well, said Ex wasn’t really engaged in the family dynamic. However, as I’ve just completed the first August of 4 Football practices a week, I’m here to tell you it’s maybe a little different. I don’t know. It’s definitely not easier. I’m a full time working mom, in an office, and I have to work through my lunch so that I can get off ½ hr early to go pick up the boys from school/childcare and then directly onto football practice. I did the hot lunch thing starting in September and thank GOD for back to school for that because I don’t have to pack lunch & dinner. Now they have lunch at school and I pack PB&J and snacks for dinner. I literally go from work, to the school, to the football practice.

We have a dog and I’ve had to pay a dog walker to help out with him because – holy crap I feel guilty we haven’t been taking him for walks and/or been able to bring him with to football practice. In April, I got my eldest a replacement cat for the cat that passed at Easter. This cat pees on every fabric surface. I have bought multiple cat boxes, food, treatments, cleaners, etc. Finally I started shutting said cat out of the bedrooms during the day and covering our couch during the day.  I’ve also started letting him outside some. This is finally helping, I think. Then, yesterday, doggo decided to pee ALL OVER THE dining area. And Rover our fearless iRobot vacuum decided to spread it even further all over the living room/dining room space. I have lament hard woods – so not a HUGE deal. BUT SHIT! The cat just stopped peeing on everything. So now the dog does. (Note, dog has never had accidents in the house before.) Also, I am a boy mom, so I clean up far more pee than most people already. Ugh. Added stress to busyness. Hooray.

Also, previously referred to Ex is claiming to be “helpful” in paying tuition/childcare/child support in a weird way that takes way too long to explain here. He ended up shorting me almost $500 this month. Finally paid up. (Thank God!) He is supposed to be seeing the boys 3 times during the week and then has them most Friday nights – Sunday mornings (because we all need Jesus and I hope to God that my boys will be less douchey than their dad because I’m trying to give them a foundation in love and grace – FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!) … He has NOT been taking them for his 3 nights a week for months now. I want to re-petition the court with a new parenting plan to reflect what HE’S ACTUALLY DOING because he got a discount on child support initially because he would have them more. HAH! Douche. BUT, it costs money to change the parenting plan. Like $400. So yeah….don’t have that…. I’m planning to take the boys to Disneyland in November (shhh they don’t know) and all my “extra” money is going to that. Holy CRAP Batman.

Also, back in April, I stumbled into a relationship I wasn’t even looking for with a very sweet man. I was resistant to his kindness and then I realized why… because I wasn’t used to someone giving a crap. (Let’s just pause there for a minute.) I wasn’t used to someone caring about me and the boys. Dang. Anyways, said boyfriend is so sweet, funny and kind. We get along famously and have a great connection. Here’s the curve ball, he has terminal cancer. I knew he had cancer before we started dating, but I didn’t fully grasp the terminal part. It’s been getting worse too. He’s in denial of the day to day realities and limitations of what he can/cannot do. He has been “future casting” too far for reality too. I’ve broken up and got back together with him already. (Don’t worry, there’s plenty of crazy for us all!) We are currently together, but I’ve distanced myself emotionally quite a bit. I feel that I’ve accepted where he’s at, but he hasn’t. So I have to keep a boundary. Also, my boys, they don’t need this. So trying to keep them a bit more removed from the whole thing. My heart loves him so much. I want to be with him and love him as I can, but I cannot be in the future what-if’s of his world. I have to live in the now. That’s all I’ve got.

We made it through the August month of football with both boys’ birthdays being in August too. Dog has been getting walks. I have a job. We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and mostly clean clothes most of the time. My God is good and I know He will provide and pull us through.

I’ll leave you with this… after football practice last night, there was a protest over bedtime. My eldest said “UGH! WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE REAL DINNER!” I said, “I fed you. You ate in the car. I sat with you while you read your book for homework and I quizzed you on your memory verse. Your brother and I played while we watched your football practice. You have clean clothes for tomorrow. You’re freaking welcome! I love you. Goodnight. Don’t get out of bed.”