Some of my poetry

The Fall Within

The sun pushes through

the burgundy sheer curtains

and our bedroom seems fresh

amazing what a change of light can do

I breathe in deep and enjoy this quiet moment

It’s fall now

and the air is crisp

with expectations

hopes

the leaves fall to the ground

to create a painted collage of color

the crunching of leaves is a childhood favorite

There is a sense of excitement of what’s to come

fall is settling in

being introspective

snuggling up

breathing deeply

It is the crescendo to winter’s ritard

where everything slows and the colors are muted

with white

where then, we are forced to look at each other

and see the fall within.

You Left

Again in true sorrow I pick up my pen.

The only way I hug you is by folding one

remaining shirt

from the laundry.

I had to take down our photos

the punches to my stomach were

sickening.

I hear your voice in my head

feel your warm hand on the small of my back

Wake to see you next to me

You’re not dead

you left.

Broken Family

There is an audible groan in this house
An exhale and the drops of tears
A scrunched pillow
A discarded blanket 
Mountains of tissues to be thrown
Out 
With the memories we’ve made
The smiles 
The holding onto
Each other 
Now cracking, crumbling , falling away
Like old pages of a neglected book 
The words hardly usable 
But weighted 
Worth something 
WASN’T OUR ELEVEN YEARS?
The little eyes look up at me in disbelief 
In shock
Waiting for an explanation
But I have none “I can’t fix this” I say
I plead with them 
To see my breaking heart too 
I never wanted this for us
For you two
Broken family

Without

I cannot cope with

The leaving

The pulling away

The moving

The goodbye.

I’ve always hated it

how it rips apart so easy

Loud, like paper

Messy, leaving no clean edge

The fibers are frayed

Afraid

I am left

Alone

Without

Without

Look for Home

Sometimes your heart knows it’s home

before you

The eyes that hold you.

But do your eyes reflect?

Do they invite to warm spaces

feet up and fireplaces?

Or do you still stand alone?

How long can you look for home?

How long can you look for home?

Twisted

These trees

these old ladies have been here forever

their branches

stretched out

TWISTED

and tangled by the valley wind

Brown to blend in

to not be seen

to not be removed

Or maybe they are arthritic and chilling?

the pains of the year

STRETCHING OUT

crooked as much as they can

to reach the sky’s relief.

A Drive to You

The sun-kissed yellow leaves

of fall

leave an afterglow of summer sun.

The crystal blue water

has me looking toward the

frost of winter

Sean

Pressed up against you

breathing in

hands holding

arms around me

our lips are drawn together

your hand slides up the side of my neck

every nerve in my body is firing

I want more

I want to be held by you longer

breathe you in longer

my heart aches to be near you

beside you

pressed up against you

Forward

Starting over isn’t an option

A clean break isn’t available.

I must push through the fog

the heavy weights placed on me by life

Dragging my molasses-covered feet

and soul

Press on

Move forward

Don’t stop

My heart groans.

Goodbye Sean (thoughts)

We drove to my parents place today.
I didn’t plan to stop to see where you were placed.
I wanted it to be more intentional and bring something with.
Instead I was pulled there.
So the boys and I found you.
Peter sang “our funny version” of Roar to you.
Oliver did the dance you taught him.
We smiled and laughed a little.
Then I asked them to give me a minute alone.
I said things that are between us and God now.
I tucked a note under your marker.
I let the tears stream down as I stood there without you, but with you.
I resisted everything in me to lay beside you on the grass there.
Thank you for loving me so well.
I will hold you in my heart.

New Mexico

smudged rose

blackened purples

exhaled blue, the hue sighs

sweet tangerine orange

and a burst of violent red

sunsets are brushed across the sky

I search for the ocean to meet

but there is only sand

and plants of grey and green

the air is hot and sweet

the wind has an after rain smell

but there is none

the birds are challenging the beauty

in sweet melodic competition

a forever painted horizon

Dan

your eyes are deep like a sad melody

forever thoughtful in a minor key

In your presence I find release

rest

in being our truest selves

in the steady rhythm of conversation

the melodic picking of your guitar

in a quiet moment together

your heart is something I need to be near

to be home

It Is Alright to Cry

I can feel it rising 

the choked feeling 

tighter and tighter

                        

I can feel my head pound

louder and louder

I look up 

I breathe

I force myself to find 

a focus point

something other than your eyes

looking down at me in anger

looking down at me in confusion

looking down

at me

they sting 

pouring out

but with every one 

release

"If you're going to cry, go to your room"

you say in frustration

the words sting more than the liquid 

pouring from my eyes

the struggle to regulate my breath

the struggle to breathe in this house

the door shuts 

I cocoon myself in blankets 

security you cannot give

I wait for the emotions to pass

for the waves to wash over me

for the breathing to slow

for the drought

Some people only have desert

and when life tousles them around

the sand pierces the steady of the landscape

and they suddenly have 'something in their eyes'

something...

that something is life

that something is real life 

do not so easily dismiss

do not shove it down into submission

let the beautiful tears fall

because some people cannot cry

Untitled

I’ve come this far

to turn around and face myself.

The path curved away from her

or I took the easy way.

Winding down,

my life is winding down.

I am without the sigh of twilight,

without the crescendo of colors in a sunrise,

without the sweet comfort of her arms.

The sunset smudges in my mind

I am bleary-eyed from tears,

they sting in familiarity.

I choose to guard the future

to shepherd the one after me.

Take the path,

riddled with stones and thorns

trouble and adventure

spirits and monsters,

that leads you to her arms.